How To Stop Being Insecure In A Relationship: An RLT Solution (Part 1)

2/6/2024

Insecurity can cast a shadow over the brightest of relationships, leading to doubt, fear, and potentially, damage to your partnership. Recognizing and addressing these insecurities is crucial for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling connection with your partner. Relational Life Therapy (RLT) offers a solution-oriented approach to tackle insecurities head-on, fostering a stronger, more resilient bond.

But let’s first understand why you feel insecure in a relationship?

Insecurity in a relationship often stems from internal fears and past experiences. Common triggers include:

Fear of Rejection: Past rejections, abandonment, or unmet emotional needs can fuel a fear of being unlovable.

Low Self-Esteem: A negative self-image can contribute to feeling unworthy of love and acceptance.

Comparisons: Constantly measuring oneself against others or an unrealistic standard can breed insecurity.

Lack of Trust: Previous betrayals or dishonesty can make it challenging to trust a partner fully.

Solutions from an RLT Lens

Nurturing Healthy Self-Esteem

If you're looking for a solution on how to maintain healthy self esteem, it’s about embracing yourself with warmth and acceptance, acknowledging your imperfections as a natural part of being human. It's having a firm belief that your value is intrinsic and doesn't require external validation. Here's a breakdown of the key aspects of healthy self-esteem:

Internal Source of Validation:

Healthy self-esteem is like an inner reservoir of positivity, not relying on external validations.

When you draw strength from within, it becomes a powerful shield against the insecurities that external factors can trigger in relationships.

What to say to yourself: “I am enough. I matter. I have worth and value simply because I am a human being alive on this planet. I am not better than, nor less than, anyone else.”

What NOT to say (examples of externally based self-esteem): “I am worthwhile only if my boss likes my work.” “I am special because people tell me my eyes are beautiful.” “I am important because I drive an expensive car.”

Invariable and Unshakeable:

Unlike fleeting external validations, healthy self-esteem remains constant and cannot be altered by external circumstances.
This steadfast self-worth provides a stable foundation, helping individuals navigate relationship challenges without compromising their sense of value.

Equality in Relationships:

Healthy self-esteem fosters a mindset of equality, recognizing that no one person is inherently better or worse than another.
This belief in being "SAME AS" others forms a solid ground for building trust and mutual respect in relationships, reducing the space for insecurities to take root.

Overcoming Fear of Rejection:

When individuals possess a healthy self-esteem, the fear of rejection diminishes.
Knowing and affirming one's intrinsic worth helps in approaching relationships with confidence, reducing the anxiety associated with potential rejection.

Effective Communication:

Healthy self-esteem empowers individuals to communicate openly and assertively in a relationship.
When you value your thoughts and feelings, expressing them becomes a natural and constructive process, fostering a deeper connection with your partner.

Building Trust:

Trust is strengthened when individuals have a strong sense of self-worth.
Healthy self-esteem allows for vulnerability without the fear of being diminished, facilitating the growth of trust and emotional intimacy in the relationship.

Note: Relational Life Foundation offers a free Community Conversation Series highlighting concepts within Relational Life Therapy. We even have a past Conversation on Shame Resilience.

If you are looking for support, you might like to know about our Sliding Scale Relational Life Therapy and Sliding Scale Relationship Bootcamps.

Click Here for Part 2

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How To Stop Being Insecure In A Relationship: An RLT Solution (Part 1)

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