How To Stop Being Insecure In A Relationship: An RLT Solution (Part 3)

4/29/2024

In the journey towards overcoming insecurities in relationships, understanding the principles of Relationship Life Therapy (RLT) can provide invaluable guidance. One essential principle that stands out is "Go After What You Want." This mantra encapsulates a proactive approach to fostering security within yourself and your relationship. In this third part of our series on how to stop being insecure in a relationship, we’ll discuss more into this empowering concept.

Relationships thrive on mutual understanding, trust, and open communication. However, insecurities can often cloud these fundamentals, leading to doubts, fears, and misunderstandings. To break free from this cycle, it's crucial to take charge of your own happiness and actively pursue what you desire within the relationship.

Go After What You Want

In every relationship, even the healthiest ones, pursuing your desires often involves assertiveness. It requires standing up for your wants and needs, even if it means momentarily unsettling the waters. These techniques have helped a lot of individuals deal with their insecurities in a relationship.

1. Dare to Advocate:

In a healthy intimate relationship, advocating for what is important to you is crucial
Being assertive may involve making your partner uncomfortable temporarily, but it's about standing up for your wants and needs, maintaining a balance of moderation and respect.

Example: In order for me to feel respected and balanced in this relationship, I need you to help in cleaning the house. Right now, I feel I am taking on more responsibilities than you, and I want to figure out a plan in collaboration with you before resentment starts to build. Will you join me in coming up with solutions that feel fair to both of us?

2. Take Distance Responsibly:

Responsible distance-taking involves two key elements: an explanation and a promise of return (or an alternative).
When distancing yourself, clearly communicate why you need space and propose when you'll be available for re-engagement, ensuring transparency and understanding.
Take a time-out: When either partner calls a time-out by saying the word “time-out,” by using the “T” hand signal, or by using any alternate, neutral and previously agreed-upon sign, the interaction comes to an immediate stop. The shared signal, whether spoken or gestured, serves as a shorthand for conveying the message: "My dear partner, for reasons that may be valid or not, I'm reaching a point of emotional overwhelm. If I stay here and keep this up with you I am liable to do or say something I am going to regret. Hence, I'm stepping back momentarily to regain composure and find my center. I'll reconnect with you thoughtfully and communicate with you about when I'm ready to do so.”

Example: I feel myself getting upset and I want to communicate with you from a calm, centered place. I need space and time to process, and can return to this conversation in twenty minutes (or tomorrow morning).

3. Communicate Effectively:

When saying no or taking distance, it's crucial to explain your reasons thoughtfully.
Taking responsibility for your communication prevents misunderstandings and helps your partner comprehend your perspective, reducing the potential for insecurities to arise.

Example: I am going to skip out on the event this evening. I am feeling tired and need to listen to my body and rest. You’re welcome to stay home with me, or go with someone else!

Overcoming insecurity in a relationship is a journey that requires commitment, self-reflection, and effective communication.

RLT serves as a valuable framework, offering practical tools and strategies to address insecurities and build a foundation of trust, understanding, and love.

Note: Need support? Explore our Sliding Scale RLT Sessions, Relationship Revival Course and Sliding Scale Relationship Bootcamps for assistance personalized to your needs.

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How To Stop Being Insecure In A Relationship: An RLT Solution (Part 3)

Go After What You Want

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