From Dehumanization to Aliveness: Witnessing the Realness Project Graduation Inside Colorado Prisons

5/26/2025

Last week, I had the privilege of stepping into a world few ever see -- the world inside Colorado State Penitentiary and The Beacon at Skyline, both in Canon City, Colorado. I was invited by Laurie Lazar, founder of The Realness Project, a non-profit whose mission is to inspire safer communities for all by bringing relational leadership training to prison inmates. This visit was more than a follow-up to my recent podcast episode with Laurie; it was a profound journey into the heart of human resilience, transformation, and the power of connection.

Crossing the Threshold
The experience began long before we walked through the prison gates. Even the drive down from where we live in Boulder felt like entering a new reality. Laurie and her team prepared us guests with thoughtful questions -- tools to help us engage with inmates and, perhaps more importantly, to remind us not to shrink away from the potential discomfort. The Realness Project is rooted in a simple, but perhaps radical belief: all humans are good at their core, and everyone has the potential for growth and transformation, if given the opportunity.

Challenging the System
The prison system, by design, is about separation and dehumanization. From the stories I've heard, it seems quite likely to me that prison staff are purposely trained to view inmates as less than human, perpetuating cycles of isolation and despair. The Realness Project stands in stark contrast, offering a pathway back to aliveness -- a state where people are inspired to become their best selves. As Laurie often quotes from Mary Lou Kownacki, OSB, “There isn't anybody you couldn't love once you've heard their whole story.” This truth echoed throughout my visit.

Authentic Relating Behind Bars
The Realness Project teaches what they call relational leadership training (funny enough, it's another "RLT" acronym). Inmates explore a new approach to life, to welcome their lived experience, check their assumptions, own their stories, and honor themselves and others. They are supported to practice and embody the work, and eventually some become facilitators themselves. The ripple effect is real. Shawna Pierson, once a program graduate at Denver Women’s Prison, is now a lead facilitator, guiding others on their journey to self-discovery and connection. She joined us for the graduations and so I got to spend a few days alongside her.

Stories of Transformation
Walking into the Colorado State Penitentiary, I was met with deep warmth, intelligence, and respect — qualities that should be more common outside prison walls. Nearly every one of the program participants approached me with a handshake and a willingness to connect heart to heart.

The men I met spoke openly about the impact of the program:

Oscar (26 years old): “I went from gangster to gentleman — quick. Now I can actually look at myself in the mirror as I'm brushing my teeth because I know I'm working toward being my best self and I know that I can become it. Growth is a hard thing to do, but I'm embracing it now. I don't care that I'm in prison, I'm going to continue to live my life like it's beautiful.”

Dan: “I've never been this close to a group of men in my life. I have had the opportunity here to help create a safe space, like the safe space that was created for me– that's why I keep coming back to do this program again and again.”

Brian: “The men in this group have helped chip away at the things that are holding me back.”

Eladio: “I learned that vulnerability means courage and power.”

Maxwell: “This program is crashing down walls and opening doors. I'm not a social person, but this class has taught me how to communicate and open up to a group.”

Andrew: “I wake up at 5am every day to study, exercise and make sure I'm making the most of my time while in here. I'm currently working toward my bachelor's degree.”

Redefining Justice and Humanity
Being inside, hearing these stories, I was forced to confront uncomfortable truths about our justice system. How can we expect people to embody a higher moral code when the system itself does not model it? What does it mean to be just, to be fair, to be right? The Realness Project doesn’t just ask these questions — it offers answers, not through theory, but through lived experience and genuine connection.

The Power of Connection
The men spoke of discovering a new type of brotherhood, of breaking down walls, of finding a new sense of family. The Realness Project is helping them endure the pain of incarceration by fostering what I kept hearing the men call a “realness mentality” — one that values vulnerability, courage, and hope. In a place designed to isolate, these programs are building bridges, and lifelines.

Moving Forward
I left the graduations deeply moved by the resilience of the human spirit. To love the seemingly unlovable — both in ourselves and in others — is the ultimate act of courage. The Realness Project is proof that, given the right environment, people can and do transform. They become leaders, facilitators, and, most importantly, fully alive.

If you’re as moved by these stories as I was by this experience, I encourage you to listen to my podcast episode with Laurie Lazar and join The Ripple of Human Connection and learn more about the Realness Project. Let’s challenge ourselves to see the humanity in everyone and to believe, as Laurie does, that there truly isn’t anybody you couldn’t love once you’ve heard their whole story.

Looking to receive support in your relationships?

Check out Relational Life Foundation’s Sliding Scale Affordable Couples Therapy Program. Receive 3 sessions with a RLT therapist or coach in training at a price you can afford.

Look through upcoming dates for RLT Relationship Bootcamps (both virtual and in-person). These 2-day workshops teach you the skills you need to heal and thrive in your connections. This workshop is for couples and individuals.

Tune into the Facets of Connection episode, Breaking Generational Cycles of Incarceration where I interview Laurie Lazar, founder and CEO of Realness Project. We discuss her work in prisons, where she brings authentic relating practices to incarcerated individuals.

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From Dehumanization to Aliveness: Witnessing the Realness Project Graduation Inside Colorado Prisons

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