What is Relational Life Therapy (RLT)?

Relational Life Therapy (RLT) is an integrative approach to couples therapy created by distinguished therapist, Terry Real, LICSW, that equips people with the lifelong skills to forge more authentic, honest, and intimate connections.

RLT is a therapeutic model that helps bring people down from a "one up" / better-than stance, while simultaneously empowering and supporting the latent up and out of toxic shame. As such, RLT is uniquely positioned to counteract systems of oppression and 'power-over' culture.

These power dynamics play out between many couples, but also in our cultural at large. Because of this, we believe RLT has the potential to greatly impact our world. By teaching skills from Relational Life Therapy, we seek to address inequalities and make our world a more relational and kind place.

How Is Relational Life Therapy Different from Traditional Therapy?

Relational Life Therapy sets itself apart from traditional therapy, offering a more balanced, direct, and transformative approach to addressing both shame and grandiosity.

For the past five decades, traditional therapy, particularly psychodynamic therapy, has centered on addressing shame. This method has been instrumental in helping individuals overcome feelings of inferiority and self-doubt.

Here’s how the RLT approach differs from traditional therapy.

RLT Address Grandiosity

However, it has often overlooked the equally crucial task of addressing grandiosity, superiority, entitlement, contempt, and aggression. Effective therapy must navigate both ends of the spectrum, guiding individuals not only up from shame, but also down from grandiosity. Regardless of gender, we all face these dual challenges, though men may express them more overtly and women more covertly.

Moving Beyond Neutrality in Therapy

Traditional therapy typically maintains a stance of impartiality, avoiding taking sides. In stark contrast, Relational Life Therapy (RLT) embraces a more direct approach. We are unafraid to address issues head-on, sometimes saying, “Partner A, you're being unreasonable, and Partner B, you're being even more so, and here’s why."

Unlike the systemic 50-50 approach criticized by feminist critics for its neutrality, RLT recognizes power imbalances in relationships. We aim to redress these imbalances by empowering the less dominant partner and encouraging the more dominant partner to find humility, promoting a dynamic where the weak can rise and the strong can soften.

Character Change Through Neuroplasticity

Traditionally, character change is seen as a slow, painstaking process requiring years of therapy. However, the concept of neuroplasticity has revolutionized this perspective, showing that significant character changes can occur more rapidly.

In RLT, there are high expectations set for clients, anticipating substantial character transformation as part of our couples' work. Our approach includes intensive individual work within the context of couples' therapy, often addressing trauma with both partners present, which is a unique feature of this method.

Therapists Share Their Own Experiences

In traditional therapy, therapists remain detached observers. In the Relational Life Therapy model, therapists act as fellow travelers, guiding clients with both expertise and lived experience.

By sharing our backgrounds and challenges, we demonstrate that meaningful change is achievable. This approach is akin to the supportive role of a 12-step sponsor rather than a traditional therapist. While there are guidelines for self-disclosure, this practice is a vital part of our methodology.

Learn Relational Skills

In traditional therapy, the focus is primarily on nurturing and loving the client, which is essential but not sufficient. The RLT transcends mere nurturing by equipping clients with the skills necessary to lead relational lives. We adopt an explicitly educational stance, actively teaching and guiding our clients. These distinctions underscore the unique and transformative approach of the Relational Life Therapy model compared to other therapeutic methods.

What to Expect

In a typical Relational Life Therapy (RLT) session, couples receive direct feedback, explore underlying emotions, and learn practical skills to improve their connection. Instead of only discussing issues, partners actively practice new ways of relating in the room, which accelerates progress and builds confidence.

Because RLT is both intensive and practical, many couples begin to see shifts within just a few sessions. While deeper change takes time, this upfront momentum helps break through long-standing conflicts and gives couples hope for lasting transformation.

Although having both partners present is ideal, one person can begin RLT alone and still influence the relationship dynamic. Even in high-conflict or near-divorce situations, the direct and balanced approach helps couples cut through destructive patterns, address power imbalances, and move toward healthier, more intimate relationships.

“I have trained in many therapeutic modalities. After each training I'm left wondering how to apply what I've learned so my clients will understand it. But Relational Life Therapy is different. I never had so much confidence as a therapist. I was taught exactly how to implement this model. RLT provides tools that I can hold in my hand, shape them, and deliver them effectively in the moment when they're needed. It’s made such an impact for my clients! Terry Real has compiled a brilliant body of work, and he is an excellent messenger. It’s like: the translator has arrived!”

-Christie Ashbeck, MS, LPC, NCC
RLT Practitioner based in Arizona
AZ Whole Heart Connection, LLC

Get Started With RLT

Relational Life Therapy offers a clear, practical path for couples and individuals ready to break unhealthy cycles and create lasting change. Whether you’re facing ongoing conflict, struggling with intimacy, or simply seeking stronger connection, RLT provides both the insight and tools to transform your relationships.

Taking the first step means committing to a process that is honest, direct, and deeply supportive—helping you build the kind of relational life you truly want.